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I don't have a great story on how this fella came to be.....it is the usual thing....Bertha was reeling and I was struggling after dealing with Miguel's seperation anxiety.
His Dad ( StillCreekSoap.Com ) went to do deliveries yesterday and left the little man at home...like a dog or something. So the poor Bubba just barked and high pitched sang the song of his people....Carmela kept him company and occasionally joined his lamentations of abandonment.....and I sat on the floor wearing earplugs trying to calm him down. Incase you are wondering what that looks like, Miguel will only stop crying for his Dad if I hug him and let him kiss me...aggressively. Needless to say by the time the hubby came home, Bertha was free from the hole I usually stuff her into...she was rampaging and raging...and I...well I was a bit of a mess
It feels like there is a giant angry ape just running lose in my brain....wildly disconnecting and incorrectly reconnecting circuits. When I go to speak to the hubby the wrong words come out...I tend to cuss a lot because apparently Bertha likes to leave those circuits intact. We won't talk about the widely swinging emotions...the dizziness...the weird lag between wanting to do something and trying to figure out how to do it correctly. And the whole time Bertha is gleefully refiling volumes of information in the wrong part of my minds library.
So I could go to sleep to get Bertha closer to or back in the hole....but I don't want to sleep my life away. So yesterday I opted for a line drawing to calm her down and see if I could coax her back into her comfy hole. We made a deal....I draw the prettiest Gorilla...and she gets to pick the colours....and think about maybe crawling back into her hole.
She is quieter today....she is off in the part of my brain that deals with balance and she is rattling around making me dizzy...but it is easier to speak...and every other word isn't punctuated with a profanity.....and Im hoping I can make breakfast without the Gorilla in my brain setting off the smoke detectors. Fingers and toes crossed. Wish me luck.
