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I need a break....I really need a break. We all need a break. One that gives us a pause from the inundation of stress and an elevated sympathetic tone...I have been stuck in fight/flight/freeze for what feels like forever.
The Chauvin trial verdict made me burst into tears I wasn't expecting....my head immediately enveloped by a massive headache...seems silly....coz it should have been expected. I didn't realize how wound up I was until my body said "I can't deal with it anymore".
And before I could pause....breathe...and take a moment. Before I could reset and try to get my self and my body one step closer to a "better" normal. I read about Ma'Khai Bryant.
My body stopped unfurling..it began to twist, knot, turn and close in on itself. I stopped breathing as deeply as I needed to breathe....and I am thinking "Oh man...I can't do any more flight/fight/freeze". At he best of time I am barely keeping an even keel because Regular Life and Brain Injury Life. I'm trying so hard not to drown and I'm tired of treading water.
But then I really lucked out...I really really lucked out and through a set of truely shitty events I met a group of women virtually who reminded me "Don't be fooled into thinking you are on your own". And suddenly it was easier to breathe again....and I could get air past the knot in my throat...and I began to smile...and then laugh because I remember back when Freddy would happily walk around the house all day with this post-it on his forehead reminding me to take a breath.
I hope you can all find a way to unfurl, and breathe again. And also... thank you @chakra_quan from the very bottom of my heart. You moved me closer to a better normal today.
