Dammit Bertha!

Exactly one week ago I sat for an entire day with my back to this gorgeous view....and I was grateful for it. Instead of looking out at this beautiful downtown cityscape my entire attention was focused on a wall and the questions of a lawyer for the car insurance company (representing the driver responsible for the MVA that caused my head injury and disability). I was participating in an Examination of Discovery.....for my fellow Good Wife/Law&Order/Legal Drama folk, it is the Canadian equivalent of a "Deposition".

It was a cognitively and emotionally taxing day of wrestling with Bertha. Ironically the specific thing that I am to avoid to promote recovery. The calm rational remnants of the old me understand the need for the process, and appreciate the role all the players have in it. But, Bertha on the other hand....she doesn't do rational very well. Visualize me trying to calmly and accurately respond to questions while sat on a chained up profanity spewing Bertha who keeps screaming "Just call me fat one more time mother fucker....just once more"...emotional regulation isn't a strong suite of hers...true story. I knew as a brain injury survivor I would pay for the encounter and had cleared my schedule and allowed myself a full week of recovery. I guess Bertha really resented the hard work and restraint coz the recovery week is over and she is still large and in charge. This morning I used hair conditioner to wash my skin, couldn't figure out which end of my cellphone charger went into the wall and which went into the phone & used my calculator app to make multiple phone calls....unsuccessfully. Suffice it to say I am glad that experience is over...and if in a year the only memory Bertha and I have of that day is this image of the city...I will be glad. So excuse me while I go isolate for another week and see if I can soothe Bertha back into the safety of my brain's basement.