Introducing Freddy...aka Bunny...aka no No NO NOOOOOOO
March 6, 2014
This is Freddy...Frederico Beloba...Bunny....Baby Boy......and he came to live with us October 4th 2013. We thought we were ready for a dog again...we thought between our previous experience with pets, and my 10 years of working in veterinary medicine we would be able to handle any dog that came along....the universe laughed at our confidence and thought it would be fun to mess with us...so it sent Frederico our way.
Now keep in mind my prior genius-heaven-sent-well-behaved-gem of a pup Kootney was a hard act to follow...so we were careful not to set the bar too high for Freddy. But Freddy didn't care...he showed up and decided he was gonna be nothing like we had ever seen before...wrecked havock on our lives and decided to change the rules we live by. What rules you ask....well this is what living with Frederico has become:-
Thou shall not leave the remote or game controls unattended...as they maketh for great chew toys
Thou shall not leave any food in the kitchen below the 6 foot mark....we learnt that after he ate an entire Panetone, 2 months of dog treats, a loaf of bread, an entire box of bear claws....some of which were on top of the fridge.
Thou shall not leave the bathroom door open..because that is an invitation to run through the house with the end of toilet paper in mouth.
Thou shall not leave any boxes of Kleenex below the 8 foot mark...anywhere in the apartment....because Freddy feels compelled to shred them and then scatter the evidence through out the house.
Thou shall surrender to the new reality that the couch will forever be covered in dawg hair.
Thou shall never question why Frederico has collected all the shoes in the house and is now spooning them all on the couch.
Thou shall at all times protect your belly button and keep it covered if you don't want a cold wet nose and a tongue exploring it.....I know...creepy right?!
Thou shall accept that at no time will any stuffed toys be permitted to wear clothing...especially pants...and if they do, they shall be removed post haste...saturated in drool and placed on your face whilst you sleep.
Thou shall expect a very curious, concerned and watchful audience during...ehhhemm...
Thou shall submit to unpredictable enthusiastic 70 lb dog body tackles and french kisses on a regular basis...scratch that....on an hourly basis.
Thou shall accept that sitting on the couch is an invitation to have a 70 lb dog sitting on your lap
Thou shall accept that going to bed means there will be a puppy laying on his back feet in the air wedged between the two of you....and you must proceed to belly rub and kiss him for atleast 30 minutes...or be subjected to the most pathetic sad Pit Bull puppy dawg eye display known to man.
Thou shall accept that your shoulder is not as important as Freds need to yank it as he drags you across the street to make friends with a skunk....or squirrel...or crow...
Thou shall pause patiently on morning walks while Frederico rubs himself on any cedar hedge he comes along...whilst he makes moany piggy noises.
Thou shall share all your ice cream....ALL OF IT!
Thou shall accept that the absolute centre of the dining table is a perfectly acceptable place for a dog to sit.
Thou shall not leave the pantry door open under penalty of having a living room, carpet and dog covered in icing sugar.
Thou shall expect to regularly be stabbed by a skillfuly chewed and honed Nylabone...and under no conditions are you permitted to throw away his special "Shank"
Thou shall not wave your hands in my face and in a high pitched voice yell "Fatty Fatty Fatty Fatty Fatty"....coz it makes me crazy...
He is crazy....he makes us crazy......he makes us laugh every day....he is full of an amazing weird generous kind of love....he is a joke and a wonderful blessing from the universe....and yes he is named after one of my camera's.